I wanted to post this link as I really enjoyed this article and thought it was worth sharing. Wonderfully written
I haven’t written in awhile. That doesn’t mean my dating life hasn’t been interesting, I just have been running out of steam.
I had one guy kiss me in the middle of a rush hour intersection after I told him I “wanted to take it slow and get to know him” (I ended it immediately after)
I accidentally texted a guy while bashing him to my friend. In my defense I had politely told him I wasn’t interested, and even though I added new images to my dating profile a month later and maybe he figured I was still looking and maybe getting desperate.
I had one guy tell me on the first date that he had Internet stalked me, and knew my last name and where I lived. This lead me to a 2am obsessive googling of myself, and I’m proud to say that a month later I am now more hidden on search websites.
A girl on my sports team tried to set me up with an S&M model. I didn’t know of his hobbies until later that week. To quote my friend “his junk is in pictures all over the Internet”
And then there are my exs. In the last 3 months I’ve had 2 exs contact me via online dating communication. Just lovely. Wasted half of my eharmony subscription cause it was so painful just to archive his profile I couldn’t bring myself to close it, so I got to see his updates everytime I logged on. I swear I go out of my way to torture myself. If you have any thoughts as to why an ex would repeatedly look at my profile, I’d love to hear about it.
So alas, here I am in the summer. I had planned at the beginning of July to take a dating break for a couple months. Give myself some relaxation time. Then I met one last guy online. He seemed normal. I’ve gone out with him a handful of times over the last couple weeks. I don’t know if I’m looking for excuses to stop seeing this guy but over the last week I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed by his attention. My last two boyfriends were very distant and so I’m not sure if this guy is moving a bit fast or if I’m just not used to this pace of dating. he’s already asking me if I’m still online dating or meeting other people cause he’s not. I wasn’t but now I feel like I can’t even if I wanted to.
I was at a street show over the weekend with a friend, and there was a popular psychic shop doing free tarot card readings. I’ve never had any kind of readings, and it’s not like I don’t believe in them it’s just that I’m not interested in paying for something that might be completely off the mark.
But free can’t be argued against so I said sure, and she was bang on with things. She talked about my past year like she was my hairdresser who knows my life story. And then she said that my life will change for the better in 10 days.
So I’m hopefully optimistic for the upcoming weeks. Will her prediction be right? I’ve decided to take a break from Mr. Keener for a week to give myself some breathing room. I just wish I wasn’t so unsure about all the decisions I make in life.
Thanks for reading, I’d love to hear if you have any thoughts 🙂
I’ve been reading a lot of relationship books lately. One thing I’ve read over and over is to try dating new people that you normally wouldn’t date. Don’t turn down a date. Okay. I’ll try this out. Got matched with this guy on eharmony, and he’s completely opposite to my type physically, but he has an awesome profile, very funny.
One thing I’ve realized over the last year is that “my type” is guys that break my heart. So instead of looking for physical characteristics, I’m aiming for personality. Guys that call when they say they will, funny, kind. So when I got asked out by this guy I said yes.
Well unfortunately for me, after I agreed to a time and date, he casually mentions “oh ya, I also grow a beard in the winter. It’s still winter for a couple weeks so until then I have a giant beard”…. His words… Exactly… Giant beard. Then he says “wanted to give you a heads up as some people aren’t down for the lumberjack look, see you on our hot date.”
Now he offered to pick me up, and I was like hell no. No way do I let online matches see where I live on the first date. He was 45 minutes late, and then while I was waiting in my car for him to text me, he went in without me and ordered a beer. Was almost done it when I got there. Not cool.
I stressed over this date all week. Regret, anxiety, fear over him being rude. I pushed myself cause you never do know. I walked into the lounge and I instantly wanted to die. If I didn’t believe in karma, I would have turned around and walked out. All I could see was this GIANT BEARD. Not groomed, all over the place, you couldn’t see his lips. I don’t even think I heard half of what he said. I’m sorry if that makes me a bad person, but I felt all the eyes of the lounge on me. As much as I didn’t want to continue to part 2 of our date, I wanted the heck outta there. I got my wish, we left early. Unfortunately that entitled him to put on a giant spider wool knitted hat (legs and all) before walking out. I ran into a waitress I booked it outta there so fast. He wanted to walk to the arcade. I did not. I drove myself. He walked. I walked into the arcade and he was no where to be found. I thought he ditched me, and I was leaving as he found me.
I enjoyed the arcade as it was a lot of fun, more relaxed less pressure. I was so ready to end the date that I think I was a little rude as I headed straight for my car and realized I didn’t say goodbye. This bothers me a lot. I was a bitch and did just what I was complaining about another guy doing to me a month ago. I walked back, gave the awkward hug and I think in that moment he realized my disinterest.
But I’m sorry, any 28year old guy on a dating website should post a picture with his beard cause otherwise it’s dishonest. Any 28year old guy who wants to online date should at least trim his beard, but that’s a different topic all together. It’s lying about who you are. Almost like saying you’re athletic, posting a head shot and showing up overweight. I’m almost 6ft tall. I don’t lie about that, I recognize that’s not everyone’s type, but at least I’m upfront about it.
I have another date tomorrow which is insane. With mr texter, who finally asked me out. Gonna be interesting. I have a couple other guys messaging me, one I ignored his texts tonight. I think I need to take a week off from dating after tomorrow as I need to time to recoup, and regroup. The last week with my ex disappearing on me again (slap in the face) and all the other stresses of these first dates has taken its toll on my mind.
Thanks for reading my thoughts. I know years from now I’ll look back on to isn’t and smile, and I guess it’s worth that.
It’s hard enough figuring out what to wear on a daily basis, let alone on a first date with someone you’ve never met. My solution? Wear the same outfit. To every first date. Easy right? No running around, stressing, worrying.
I’ve been on a lot of first dates in the last couple of years, as online dating is so hit and miss, and miss and miss. My outfit is very simple. A cute cardigan in pretty pink, with a lot cut tank (but not too low), flattering jeans and boots, cute but simple jewelry. Done. I’ve had a lot of compliments from friends on this outfit. I used to get asked on a lot of second dates, so I figure it’s also a lucky combo (although recently not so much)
A problem I find I’m running into is that guys I’m meeting keep taking me to the same coffee houses and lounges. I live in a very big city. The 15minute radius of my area has probably 20-30 places to go. I not kidding. There’s TONS of places to go. Which is why I find myself eating out more than cooking.
2 places I’ve been to lately keep getting suggested. Something about these two places draws guys to invite me there I guess. It’s a mystery. I can’t keep wearing this outfit. Imagine you’re a waitress and every couple of weeks or so a girl comes in wearing the same outfit with a different guy…… I know… Weird.
Alas, I guess I’ll have to start putting more thought into my first date outfits. Or somehow convince my dates to go somewhere else 😉 thanks for reading my thoughts. I have a date (or maybe 2) planned for this week so fingers crossed.
I read something very interesting this week that I’ve been thinking about a lot. About how you don’t expect ex’s to come back. You work on your personal happiness and if they come back, they see you as someone who got on with their life versus someone who fell apart. And if they don’t come back, then it’s still okay cause you’re living a happier life
I’ll admit, I fell apart after my last breakup. It was a little devastating that he actually walked away from me & our relationship. I’ve never had a single guy I’ve ever dated/been in a relationship with come back in my life. Or even tried to contact me.
This is an update to my last post “holy F”….
I ended up reading Mr. Mono’s latest message to me. As much as I hated him for what he did to me years ago, I’ve since become more involved in the heartbreak from my latest breakup to worry about an older breakup. (does that make sense?) how do you respond when an ex asks “how are you doing?” I’m at a loss here. This has never happened to me, I don’t know how to handle this situation.
I went with “I’m doing good, how are you?”. Lame…. I know. But I feel there’s all these warning signs flashing around me. Like when you’ve had you hand slammed in a door before, and so you’re more careful the next time you go to open it. I don’t really want to write a long message about how my life really is going.
My one friend was mad at me for responding. Her response was “he broke you!” which is very true. I was a mess. But I was a mess after my last breakup too, so maybe as I get older and more attached to guys the harder it is for me to deal with life after.
I guess I’m just cautiously optimistic about this entire situation. There’s a certain comfort with ex’s. You know them, know you’re attracted to them. I’ve had some bad dates recently that certainly make me feel like it would be easier putting my heart on the line with Mr. mono again rather than start from scratch with a complete stranger. And sadly, I have this inner hope that if this guy is back in my life (sorta) after I would have bet my life savings on never hearing from him again, then I guess I can never know if the same will be true from my last ex.
And I’ve seen multiple people get back together with ex’s, which is where things get tricky as one friend got back with her ex last year, and just recently got engaged to him.
I’m just confused about my life I guess. Why would an ex contact you? Is this him being polite, curious about what I’ve been up to, making himself feel better about the way things ended? Or maybe he is interested in me again. These are the thoughts that confuse me. If you have any experience with any of this please comment because I really would love some insight!
For those who have been reading this blog, just another update: Mr. Texter finally asked me on a date. Almost a month of texting, and another month of emailing. I never thought I’d get the chance to meet this guy.
This has been The weirdest 24 hours for me. Everyone has some interesting ex stories.
The thing about my ex’s is they all mess with me somehow, whether they mean to or not. Some leave me wishing things were different, some leave me regretting things, and some leave me just a little more psychologically damaged than when when I met them. This ex psychologically messed me up (just a little).
Let me give you some backstory to “the guy that almost gave me mono” (my friends and I actually call him this, I’m not even kidding)
I met a guy a couple years ago. At a bar. I wasnt even looking to meet anyone. I was at a bachelorette party, wearing a little black dress, nice high heels, and I was walking to the exit to get in the limo. This guy stops me and says “wow you’re tall” and keeps walking. This royally pissed me off because the last thing a 6 foot tall girl (who rarely wears heels) wants to hear is yet another person pointing out the obvious. I could bitch for hours about this. It’s is such a pet peeve of mine. Do I go around pointing out when people are fat? No! Because it’s not socially acceptable. And yet, this is what I hear on a daily basis. (I’m not exaggerating). I don’t care if its meant as a compliment, I don’t take it that way. Anyways… moving on….
A minute later he comes back, apologizes and asks for my number. Hmmmm random moment. Okay why not. Life went on.
3 weeks later I hear from him (probably shoulda been my first red flag, why wait so long?) and I go on a date with him. Let’s just say that over the next couple of months of dating, he created a lot of insecurities that to this day, years later, I still struggle with. Basically, he up and disappeared on me. One day we had a date planned, and then I never heard from him again. Now I could write a lot on other things that led to the disappearing (but I won’t). He treated me like crap, I always assumed he was seeing someone else. I got a little crazy and did thing like the house drive by (a little ashamed to admit it but it happens). It wasn’t my most healthy relationship.
A week after he disappears, his friend texts me randomly, mentions that “he doesn’t know what he wants” end of story. (if you’ve read previous entries of mine you’ll remember that I save all my text messages, which is why I can quote so easily). That was the only closure I got. No text, no call, nothing. Just a message from a friend. Really classy.
I move on with my life. (eventually). His friend randomly texts me at really odd moments over the years. I ignore him. Mr Mono pocket dials me in the fall when I’m out with friends. Thought it was funny he still had my number. End of story.
Until last night.
Go on POF randomly in the hopes of feeling better about myself after my date. And who has messaged me? Yup. Mr. Mono. My jaw dropped. Literally. Seriously, the guts one must have to message a girl you disappeared on. You don’t just disappear on a girl after dating for 6 months and then message her 2 years later on POF.
His message was a simple inside joke we had, which I think is kinda clever. I’m a little mad at myself because I should have delayed in messaging him, and at least thought about it. I messaged back in regards to the inside joke. Probably not the best move on my part.
I exited POF. I needed to reflect on things before replying to his latest message. I’m super wary about letting him enter my life again, if only via online message. My friends think its a sign I should give it a try. I’m not convinced of anything. I really did like the guy, even though it wasn’t the best relationship. He could have seen my profile and thought he’d send me a random meaningless message. Girls over think things. I’m one of those girls. He replied to my message, but it was just a closed ended comment. Nothing for me to really respond to. I left it at that.
I was super busy today. Had my evening all filled up with things to do, actually forgot about all this. I get home to find a notification saying I have another message from him. Just to remind you that I never responded to his last message. I actually haven’t looked at the message yet as I’m tired and the last thing I need is to spend the night analyzing the crap outta things. Because I hate to admit it but his profile reminds me how much I’m attracted to the guy. And ironically it says “looking for a relationship”. (where was that 2 years ago). I’ve changed so much in the last two years. I’m a totally different person now, so maybe he is too.
So aside from that, and the bad date guy messaging me at 7am “nice to meet you” (who says that after messaging how we aren’t a match… Was he feeling guilty? ), and mr boring text guy actually coming up with some odd conversation “your team should play in swim suits” (errr random but okay), and another guy I dated last year sending me a message on eharmony (remember me?). It’s been a really odd day.
I was about to end this very long entry, and then realized I never explained how the guy got his nickname. Right after he disappeared I got really really really sick. I thought it was mono, but turns out it was just strep. One day when I was stuck at home sick frustrated with my life, I was talking to my friend and I was like “no wonder he vanished, he had mono”. thereafter he became referred to as the “guy who gave me mono”.
Thanks for reading my thoughts. We shall see where this all leads… Any thoughtful advice is always appreciated 🙂
There is something so unnatural about online dating. Meeting a stranger for drinks. He looked like his picture. He was nice. But as the date went on there is this sense of disappointment as you realized that this person probably isn’t a good match for you. It’s moments like this that I honestly believe that I will never find someone, and that perhaps its almost easier to just give up.
It shouldn’t be like an interview. Where you’re asked “have I missed asking you any questions?” “anything else I should know about you?” “nothing? Okay then” and then suddenly he gets up and leaves. WTF? I didn’t even see him pay the bill. Just slips cash down…. No change needed… I’m outta here. Last time I online dated, they guys seemed to have a lot better manners.
This is the second date I’ve had this year that’s ended this way. How hard is it to walk with me to my car and hug goodbye politely? The first date this happened on I thought it was weird, but to happen again? We literally walked separately to our cars… that were next to each other. It doesn’t even sound possible. And you can tell he tried to say goodbye without phrasing it as if there’s a chance we will meet again. He actually said “go home and get some sleep.” Did I just go on a date with my grandpa? Who says that?
And then before I even get home, a text saying “I don’t think we are a match, take care.”
I know I sound frustrated, because I am. I get that we weren’t a match and that I wasn’t hoping for a second date, but theres something to be said for basic courtesy.
It’s about at this point, 4 hours before the date that I get nervous. I guess it’s because we set a time and a day but not a place. “I’ll call you later”… Cut to the jeopardy music while I sit on the couch staring at my phone. This is me right now.
The reason I’m so nervous is I’ve had (on more than one occasion) guys ask me out and then bail without telling me. I consider this being stood up, although I’ve had people politely tell me that it’s not really as its not like I’m sitting around at a restaurant waiting. It’s just as hard. I don’t see a difference.
Why don’t you call him? (people say). The answer is I usually do, but shouldn’t have to. Especially since he specifically said in more than one text this weekend how he would call me on Monday. Not just Monday, Monday AFTERNOON. It is almost 5pm, so I’m not over reacting am I? (no…. Just stressing).
So. My plan is to carry on with my evening. Go to my class and assume I’m meeting him afterwards. Plan B is to come home and get drunk on the couch feeling sorry for myself.
I think he’ll call, I hope he’ll call. I need to stop over thinking. Let’s see how this goes…